Absolutely Perfect?

12 Paths to a Perfect Mind

Do you often struggle to get started with a task or to complete it because you doubt whether it is good enough and will be good enough? Do you dream about the perfect life, the perfect version of you and perfect well-being? Why is it so hard to get the life you want when you’re doing your best?

Trends such as perfectionism, hyper complexity, stress and increased focus on performance make it difficult to find peace, balance and well-being. On the other hand, we have never had greater prerequisites for thriving. Well-being and the paths to this is very simple and then at the same time very complex.

Book the lecture “12 Paths to a Perfect Mind” and find out which path suits you best.

The lecture is aimed at you who wishes increased well-being in your daily life. It is also relevant for you who have an ambitious person in your life to increase mutual understanding and well-being. For mother and daughters, best friends, siblings, father, sons. Take each other by the hand and find paths to a perfect mind and increased well-being.

Book your lecture here

Disrupt Your Thoughts

Are you willing to disrupt negative thoughts that leads nowhere? Join this lecture where we focus on your thoughts and thinking traps, behavioral patterns and decision making.

Disruption has become one of the trend words of 2017 and 2018. Disruption means interruption or disturbance. Typically, the word is used in relation to new technology changing market and business structures. Imagine that you can learn how to disrupt your thoughts and behaviors so that you get more well-being and make better decisions.

Book this lecture to get tools to disrupt negative thoughts and to identify and tackle your thinking traps:

• Tilegn dig indsigter fra psykologi- og adfærdsforskningen, som giver dig værktøjer til at forstå og disrupte dine tanker og tankefælder i et omfang, så du kan træffe bedre beslutninger.

• Med større ro i maven og reflekteret tilgang til egne tanker bliver vi også bedre til at forstå vores omgivelser og medmennesker. Dét sparker røv!

• Lær hvordan du dagligt implementerer indsigterne for at opnå større trivsel.

• Mød andre som interesserer sig for adfærd og trivsel og et godt liv.

Det tager kun halvanden time, men værktøjerne kan du bruge for tid, evighed og i øjeblikket.

The lecture is relevant for businesses as well as individuals wanting to get better a better understanding and control of their thinking traps for better decision-making and increased.

Book your lecture here

My name is Sanne Østergaard Nissen. I am a well-being and behavioural researcher – and expert in the field of perfectionism, senior lecturer, coach, head of Study programme at University College South Denmark and public speaker.

My heart lies in creating well-being and I have an ability to ask questions that create new thinking patterns, reflection and subsequent positive change.

Read more…

Do you recognize the feeling of thinking EVERYTHING or NOTHING, or NOT GOOD ENOUGH, or everyone else is doing much better than me?

If the first sentence in a project is not perfect then you don’t feel like continuing writing? Do you tend to postpone the solving of a project because you doubt that it is going to be good enough? Are you rereading posts for social media or emails repeatedly before sending, because you worry about spelling errors or about the content being, just right? Does it seem like others are way ahead of you and are doing much better? Don’t you trust that the compliments you get are genuine? Do you have a hard time judging, when you should perform and when you can allow for yourself to relax? Do you seldom reach out and ask others for help?

A tendency in time is the ‘urge for perfection’, which is the doctrine holding that perfection is within reach and can be attained. It is in many ways the refusal to accept any standard that isn’t close to perfection.

It is the urge to appear like a success. An urge to be perfect. I wonder if we don’t all experience that urge now and again, to a lesser or greater extent?

Adaptive Perfectionism

To a lesser extent, perfectionism can be a motivating factor, passion and driving force that provides the energy to achieve something that we really want and wish for.

Perfectionism can lead us to great achievements and is an expression for striving to do ones best, to be goal oriented and dedicated.

This more healthy form of perfectionism is often referred to as adaptive perfectionism and is an expression of having high demands and expectations for one self and being able to live up to them and achieve these without being stressed or leading to rumination, negative thoughts or psychopathology.

Maladaptive Perfectionism

To a greater extent, perfectionism can lead to intolerable self-criticism, repetitive concerns about not being good enough, a strong focus on own mistakes and shortcomings and fear of making mistakes.

When the level of perfectionism becomes maladaptive it is typically because one has such high demands and expectations for one self in one or more areas of life which are hard to live up to. These high and demanding standards are pursued even though they are creating problems both mentally and physically.

Maladaptive perfectionism entails that one’s self-esteem and self-worth is linked to how well one lives up to the high demands and expectations.

Consequences of Maladaptive Perfectionism

Maladaptive perfectionism is also associated with various forms of mental health problems such as headache and sleep discomfort at the mild end.

At the serious end, excessive and maladaptive perfectionism can lead to OCD, Eating disorder, anxiety (especially social phobia), self-harm and depression.

If symptoms of maladaptive perfectionism are not prevented or treated in time it can lead to the disorders to a greater or lesser degree.

Perfectionism is Not a Diagnosis

Perfectionism is not a diagnosis. It is a coping strategy or character trait that has developed to resist the demands that you feel imposed or impose upon yourself.

One can work on preventing maladaptive perfectionism by looking at the thought and behavioral patterns as well the demands that you have for yourself or the expectations you think others have for you.

My name is Sanne Østergaard Nissen. I am a well-being and behavioural researcher – and expert in the field of perfectionism, senior lecturer, coach, head of Study programme at University College South Denmark and public speaker.

My heart lies in creating well-being and I have an ability to ask questions that create new thinking patterns, reflection and subsequent positive change.

Read more…

Being ambitious, wanting to perform your best, doing well and striving to achieve much in life is a really good quality. In many ways one can benefit from some degree of perfectionism. However, if perfectionism becomes a struggle with one self, where one becomes over critical, does not enjoy work processes and learning processes, cannot tolerate mistakes and criticisms and constantly assesses ones own performance negatively and condemningly pushes oneself to the outermost limits, then it is worth stopping and looking at your thoughts and behaviors.

• Would you like to work with your thoughts and patterns of action to maintain well-being?

• Do you want to maintain a high level of ambition, drive and targetability without the risk of burn out?

• Would you like to let go of control now and then and let others get close and see your vulnerability?

• Would you like to let go of fear of making mistakes and let your creativity run freely?

• Do you want to let go of shame and be able to accept and enjoy the moment – without judging yourself and others?

• Would you like to enjoy learning processes rather than just thinking about the outcome and focusing on ‘being done’?

• Would you like to find joy and satisfaction, peace and balance?

Professionally and in terms of research I have been working for many years with perfectionism. Personally, I have dealt with perfectionism all my life – both the adaptive and the maladaptive form.

I would like to share my experiences.

Read more in the blog.

Write questions anonymously, which will be taken up in a post or video on this page.

Contact Sanne for personal coaching to achieve greater well-being, satisfaction and happiness in everyday life.

Contact Sanne for lectures and as a speaker.

• If you were to evaluate your life and happiness objectively and as a person who saw your life from the outside, how would you rate your life on a scale of 1-10, where 10 is highest?

• How does this objective assessment correspond with how you really feel (subjectively)? Do you feel happy and appreciate yourself and life at the same level you assessed your life from the outside? What is your rating from 1-10 on the basis of how happy you feel?

Discrepancy between ‘Seen’ and ‘Felt’ Happiness?

There isn’t necessarily consistency between how we evaluate our lives and happiness from the outside and how we feel about it or experience it. Many of the people I meet, lecture and coach evaluate their lives and happiness as seen from the outside as higher than what the actually feel. Wouldn’t it be better the other way around? Should we do something about that? Read more in the blog, contact Sanne, book lecture.

Happiness has thus become an expression of the consumer society’s standards and norms for a self-staged creation of an ideal self which can be portrayed on social media. Sharing only the perfect moments from your so called perfect well-polished life or staged imperfection to make it seem more real.
But keep in mind: It isn’t necessarily the person who looks happy who is happy. “A person who thinks he is happy, really is happy.” (Ruuth Veenhoven).

My name is Sanne Østergaard Nissen. I am a well-being and behavioural researcher – and expert in the field of perfectionism, senior lecturer, coach, head of Study programme at University College South Denmark and public speaker.

My heart lies in creating well-being and I have an ability to ask questions that create new thinking patterns, reflection and subsequent positive change.

Read more…

It can therefore be argued that the outer objective façade has become a motivational factor because it is the one we can show off. However, it does not contribute significantly to the subjective experience of happiness and satisfaction with life.

Focus on Various Nuances of Life

Focus should be placed on the subjective quality of life and on the various nuances of life that make life worth living and creates well-being. According to psychologist Martin Seligman (2010), this may be love, better relationships, meaning, gratitude, growth and achievement. Seligman moves away from the concept of happiness with the justification that the word has become used to the extend that it has lost its meaning.

In his theory of well-being, PERMA, he includes five elements: Positive emotion. Engagement. Relations. Meaning and Achievement.

Positive emotion. Engagement. Relations. Meaning and Achievement.

Sanne has developed Seligman’s well-being theory further based on her own research on perfectionism as well as based on positive psychology. She calls her model

PERFECT MINDS^©

You can hear more about this in her lectures.

Kender du følelsen af at tænke ALT eller INTET eller IKKE GODT NOK, eller DE gør det meget bedre end jeg?

Hvis ikke den første sætning i en opgave er helt perfekt, så gider du slet ikke skrive videre? Har du en tendens til at udsætte løsningen af opgaver, fordi du tvivler på om det, du kommer til at lave, er godt nok? Genlæser du dine e-mails, opslag på facebook eller beskeder igen og igen, for at se om der er fejl, som bør rettes? Virker det som om, at de andre er meget længere fremme og gør det hele bedre end dig? Tror du ikke på de komplimenter, du modtager? Har du svært ved at vurdere, hvornår du bør yde dit bedste og hvornår du kan tillade dig at slappe af? Rækker du sjældent ud til andre og beder om hjælp?

En stærk tendens i tiden er ’trang til fuldkommenhed’, som er den direkte oversættelse af perfektionisme (Gyldendals Røde Ordbøger). En trang til at fremstå som en succes. En trang til at være perfekt. Mon ikke vi alle oplever den trang i ny og næ – i mindre eller større omfang?

Hensigtsmæssig perfektionisme

I mindre omfang kan perfektionisme da også være en drivkraft og give energi til at opnå noget, som vi brændende ønsker. Den kan lede os til store bedrifter og er et udtryk for at man stræber efter at gøre sit bedste, er målrettet og dedikeret. Denne mere sunde form for perfektionisme kaldes hensigtsmæssig perfektionisme og er udtryk for at man har høje krav og forventninger til sig selv og formår at leve op til dem.

Uhensigtsmæssig perfektionisme

I større omfang kan perfektionisme dog føre til en utålelig selvkritik, gentagende bekymringer om man nu gør det ’godt nok’, stærk fokus på egne fejl og mangler, og frygt for at begå fejl. Når perfektionisme går hen og bliver uhensigtsmæssig er det typisk fordi, at man har så høje krav og forventninger til sig selv, på ét eller flere områder af sit liv, som er vanskelige at indfri. Disse krævende og høje standarder forfølges, selvom de skaber problemer for både det fysiske og mentale helbred. Den uhensigtsmæssige perfektionisme involverer at ens selvværd bliver koblet op på, hvor godt man lever op til de høje krav og forventninger.

Konsekvenser af uhensigtsmæssig perfektionisme

Uhensigtsmæssig perfektionisme er desuden sat i forbindelse med forskellige mentale helbredsproblemer såsom hovedpine og søvnbesvær i den milde ende. I den alvorlige ende kan overdreven og uhensigtsmæssig perfektionisme lede til OCD, spiseforstyrrelser, angst (især social fobi), selvskade og depression.

Forebygges eller behandles perfektionisme ikke i tide kan det i større eller mindre omfang lede til de nævnte lidelser.

Perfektionisme er ikke en diagnose

Bemærk dog at perfektionisme ikke er en diagnose. Perfektionisme er en copingstrategi eller et karaktertræk, som man har udviklet for at modstå de krav, som man føler sig pålagt, eller har pålagt sig selv. Det er derfor noget man kan arbejde på, ved at se nærmere på egne tanke- og adfærdsmønstre, samt at se på de krav man har til sig selv, og krav man tror at andre har til en.

Jeg hedder Sanne Østergaard Nissen, er trivsels- og adfærdsforsker, ekspert i perfektionisme, lektor, coach og foredragsholder. Desuden er jeg studieansvarlig på UC SYD og har siden 2013 undervist i fag indenfor psykologi, kommunikation, coaching, forhandlingsteknik, markedsføring og personligt lederskab.

Mit hjerte banker for at skabe trivsel og min spidskompetence er at stille spørgsmål, som skaber nye tankemønstre, eftertænksomhed og forandring.

Læs mere…

At man er ambitiøs, gerne vil præstere sit bedste, gøre det godt og stræbe efter at komme langt i livet, kan være en rigtig god egenskab. På mange måder kan man profitere af en vis grad af perfektionisme. Men går perfektionismen hen og bliver en kamp med og mod en selv, hvor man er overkritisk, ikke nyder arbejdsprocesser og læringsprocesser, ikke kan tolerere fejl og kritik og konstant vurderer egne præstationer negativt og fordømmende, og presser sig selv til den yderste grænse, så er det værd at stoppe op og se på sine tanke- og adfærdsmønstre.

• Vil du arbejde med dine tanker og handlemønstre og holde fast i trivsel i dagligdagen?

• Vil du bevare et højt ambitionsniveau, drivkraft og målrettethed uden at brænde ud?

• Vil du lære at kunne slippe kontrollen nu og da og lade andre komme tæt på og se din sårbarhed?

• Vil du slippe frygten for at begå fejl og kunne lade din kreativitet løbe frit?

• Vil du slippe det skamfulde og kunne acceptere og nyde nuet – uden at dømme dig selv og andre?

• Vil du gerne trives i læringsprocesser fremfor kun at tænke på resultatet og på at blive færdig?

• Vil du gerne (gen)finde glæde og tilfredshed, ro og balance?

Professionelt har jeg beskæftiget mig mange år med perfektionisme. Personligt har jeg haft perfektionisme inde på livet hele mit liv – både den hensigtsmæssige og uhensigtsmæssige. Jeg vil meget gerne dele mine erfaringer.

Læs mere i bloggen eller skriv spørgsmål anonymt, som tages op i et indlæg eller video her på siden. Kontakt mig gerne for gode råd eller coaching i at opnå større trivsel, tilfredshed og glæde i hverdagen eller kontakt mig for foredrag.

Helt perfekt?

12 veje til mit perfekte jeg

Sidder du ofte med en opgave, som du har svært ved at komme i gang med eller færdiggøre, fordi du tvivler på, om det nu er godt nok eller bliver godt nok? Drømmer du om det perfekte liv, den perfekte version af dig og perfekt trivsel? Hvorfor er det så svært, at få det liv man ønsker, når man gør sit bedste?

Tendenser som perfektionisme, hyperkompleksitet, stress og øget fokus på præstation, gør det vanskeligt at finde ro, balance og livskvalitet. Omvendt har vi aldrig haft større forudsætninger for at trives. Trivsel og vejen til dette er på en og samme tid meget enkelt og så meget komplekst.

Kom med til foredrag, hvor du præsenteres for ”12 veje til mit perfekte jeg”. Find ud af hvilke veje, der passer dig bedst:

• Få svar på om du har tendens til perfektionisme – både den hensigtsmæssige og den uhensigtsmæssige form. Lær at kende forskel, så du kan identificere hvornår det er en positiv drivkraft og hvornår du snubler i den uhensigtsmæssige perfektionismes tankefælder og handlemønstre

• Lær hvordan du dagligt implementerer de ”12 veje til mit perfekte jeg” for derved at udfordre dine tankefælder og opnå større trivsel

• Mød andre som interesserer sig for trivsel og et godt liv, men som kan være fanget i stress og jag, da forventningerne og kravene til en selv og andre kan være svære at indfri.

Foredraget er målrettet dig, som ønsker mere trivsel i det daglige. Det er også interessant for dig, som har et ambitiøst menneske i dit liv, som du gerne vil hjælpe til mere trivsel. Tag derfor din ambitiøse mor, datter, veninde, far, søn og/eller kammerat i hånden og find sammen veje til mit perfekte jeg og mere trivsel.

Det tager kun halvanden time, men værktøjerne kan du og dine nære bruge for tid, evighed og i øjeblikket.

Book dit foredrag her

Disrupt dine tanker

Er du med på at disrupte negative tanker, som ingen vegne fører hen? Kom med til foredrag, hvor vi stiller skarpt på dine tanker og tankefælder, adfærd, vaner og måder at træffe beslutninger.

Disruption er blevet et modeord, der betyder afbrydelse eller forstyrrelse. Typisk bruges ordet om det fænomen, at brugen af ny teknologi ændrer markeds- og forretningsstrukturer. Forestil dig, at du kan lære, hvordan du disrupter dine tanker og adfærd, så du derigennem opnår mere trivsel og træffer bedre beslutninger.

Kom med til foredrag og få værktøjer til at disrupte de negative tanker og takle dine tankefælder:

• Tilegn dig indsigter fra psykologi- og adfærdsforskningen, som giver dig værktøjer til at forstå og disrupte dine tanker og tankefælder i et omfang, så du kan træffe bedre beslutninger.

• Med større ro i maven og reflekteret tilgang til egne tanker bliver vi også bedre til at forstå vores omgivelser og medmennesker. Dét sparker røv!

• Lær hvordan du dagligt implementerer indsigterne for at opnå større trivsel.

• Mød andre som interesserer sig for adfærd og trivsel og et godt liv.

Foredraget er relevant for virksomheder og private, som ønsker at få bedre styr på tankerne.

Det tager kun halvanden time, men værktøjerne kan du bruge for tid, evighed og i øjeblikket.

Book dit foredrag her

• Hvis du skulle vurdere dit liv og lykke objektivt og som en person, der så dit liv udefra, hvordan ville du så vurdere dit liv på en skala fra 1-10, hvor 10 er højest?

• Hvordan stemmer denne objektive vurdering sammen med hvordan du egentlig har det? Føler du dig lykkelig og trives du på det niveau du vurderede udefra? Hvad er din vurdering fra 1-10?

Uoverensstemmelse mellem set lykke og følt lykke?

Der er ikke nødvendigvis overensstemmelse imellem, hvordan vi vurderer vores liv udefra og faktisk føler. En del af de mennesker jeg møder, underviser og coacher vurderer ofte deres liv og lykke højere, hvis de skal vurdere livet udefra, end den subjektivt oplevede lykke. Ville det omvendte ikke være bedre? Skal vi ikke gøre noget ved det? Læs mere i bloggen, kontakt Sanne, book foredrag.

Jeg hedder Sanne Østergaard Nissen, er trivsels- og adfærdsforsker, ekspert i perfektionisme, lektor, coach og foredragsholder. Desuden er jeg studieansvarlig på UC SYD og har siden 2013 undervist i fag indenfor psykologi, kommunikation, coaching, forhandlingsteknik, markedsføring og personligt lederskab.

Mit hjerte banker for at skabe trivsel og min spidskompetence er at stille spørgsmål, som skaber nye tankemønstre, eftertænksomhed og forandring.

Læs mere…

Der kan altså argumenteres for, at den ydre facadelykke er blevet til en motivationsfaktor, fordi den kan fremvises på sociale medier og kan indgå i iscenesættelsen af det perfekte liv, hvor man ofte kun deler højdepunkterne fra et velpoleret liv. Denne objektive lykke bidrager dog ikke væsentligt til hvordan vi subjektivt oplever glæde og tilfredshed med livet.

Fokus på flere nuancer af livet

Fokus bør rettes mod den subjektive livskvalitet og mod flere nuancer af livet, som gør det værd at leve og skaber trivsel. Dette kan ifølge psykologen Martin Seligman (2010) være kærlighed, bedre relationer, mening, taknemmelighed, vækst og præstation. Seligman bevæger sig i den forbindelse væk fra lykkebegrebet med begrundelsen om at ordet er blevet ”så overrendt, at det næsten er meningsløst” (Seligman, 2010, s. 21), men også med begrundelsen om at det ikke er dækkende.

I sin trivselsteori inkluderer Seligman fem elementer:
Positiv emotion. Engagement. Relationer. Mening og Præstation.

Sanne har udbygget Seligmans trivselsteori på baggrund af egen forskning samt fra forskning i positiv psykologi. Modellen kalder hun for 

PERFECT MINDS^©

Du kan høre mere om denne til foredrag. Læs også indlæg i bloggen om hvordan man opnår trivsel.

Do you ever wish for the world around to be perfect? That life was perfect? That you were perfect? Do your thoughts ruminate with worries and the feeling of not being good enough? Do you fear being rejected, making mistakes or being perceived as stupid or inkompetent?

You are not alone.

I have created this page in the hope of sharing my knowledge on happiness and well-being as well as on maladaptive or negative form of perfectionism. I wish to give you the tools to flourish and thrive, to be compassionate towards yourself and others, feel safe and trust in your own perfectness. It is wonderful to learn new things and to develop. However, we learn much quicker if we dare to take chances, believe in ourselves and our own self-worth.

A warm welcome!

If you have questions or comments, would like to book a lecture or need an advice, you are more than welcome to contact me.

My name is Sanne Østergaard Nissen. I am a well-being and behavioural researcher – and expert in the field of perfectionism, senior lecturer, coach, head of study programme at University College South Denmark and public speaker.

My heart lies in creating well-being and I have an ability to ask questions which create new thinking patterns, reflection and subsequent positive change.

Read more…

Have you ever wished you were perfect and wished the same for the world around you, but experienced your thoughts ruminating with worries and the feeling of not being good enough and fear of making mistakes, being rejected or perceived as stupid? Then you’ve found the right person.

Sanne is an expert on perfectionism and the typical thinking traps affecting the perfectionist. Specifically, on how this can stand in the way of achieving and living the life you really want.

Sanne is a well-being and behavioral researcher – and expert in the field of perfectionism.

She has a special ability to ask questions which both create reflection, new thinking patterns and subsequent change. With her questions she can lift you, see yourself from new perspectives so you can feel calm, focused and let go of the worries, feel greater self-esteem and make decisions for a better, more positive life. She is also good at spotting opportunities for others and embodies the fact that life is a long learning process, where you constantly evolve and get to know yourself, other people and life in new ways.

Sanne’s heart lies in creating well-being for the people in her life. She loves giving people a sense of fulfillment and achievement. That you can achieve what you want if you are brave, work hard and seek opportunity, but at the same time are kind to yourself and others. Her four rules of life are: “Add a little pink to your life”, “Always remember to bring happiness with you”, “Lead your life with a warm and open heart” and “Dream big, continuously set small realistic goals and thereby make your dreams come true “.

With her great passion for creating well-being, she works daily as a Head of Study Programme at University College South Denmark. Here she also researches well-being and perfectionism and advises students in relation to their studies and study life. She is a Senior Lecturer in the subjects: psychology, personal leadership, coaching, communication, negotiation and has previously taught classes in marketing and visual communication. Before her time as a lecturer, coach and researcher she worked many years as a project manager in the field of marketing and communication in various large corporations. Please review her resume here.

Sanne holds two Master Degrees. One in Positive Psychology from Aarhus University (2017) and one in Business Administration from University of Southern Denmark (2006). She is also a Life- and Business Coach from Manning Inspire (2013). She was born in 1980 and raised in Denmark. Furthermore, she has lived in Australia and Belgium, but today she lives in Fredericia, Denmark, with her husband and their two children.

Sanne loves to paint, travel, indulge in liquorice and chocolate and drink red wine in the company of good and visionary people. She never says no to a good and deep conversation about the big questions in life.

You can book Sanne as a speaker here.

Drømmer du om at verden omkring dig er perfekt? At livet er perfekt? At du er perfekt? Oplever du at tankerne indimellem buldrer afsted med bekymringer og følelsen af ikke at være god nok? Frygter du afvisning eller er du bange for at fremstå dum og begå fejl?

Du er ikke alene.

Mit ønske med denne side er at formidle viden om, hvad lykke og trivsel er, samt at give dig værktøjer til mere trivsel, selvomsorg, tryghed og troen på at du faktisk er perfekt, som du er. Det er fantastisk at lære nyt og udvikle sig, men vi udvikler os bedst og tør tage chancer, hvis vi grundlæggende tror på os selv og vores eget værd.

Hjertelig velkommen til!

Har du spørgsmål eller kommentarer, ønsker du et foredrag eller et godt råd, skal du være meget velkommen til at skrive til mig.

Jeg hedder Sanne Østergaard Nissen, er lektor, coach og foredragsholder og har et forskningsprojekt om perfektionisme og trivsel på UC SYD. Desuden er jeg studieansvarlig på UC SYD og har siden 2013 undervist i fag indenfor psykologi, kommunikation, coaching, forhandlingsteknik, markedsføring og personligt lederskab.

Mit hjerte banker for at skabe trivsel og min spidskompetence er at stille spørgsmål, som skaber nye tankemønstre, eftertænksomhed og forandring.

Læs mere…